Collecting Scars Read online

“Yeah, yeah I know all that,” Gemma giggled.

  “Then what is it, Gemma?”

  “Oh, you'll see,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

  Asha sighed pushing herself up out of her office chair, she really was not in the mood for Gemma's little game today.

  As she walked out into the waiting room, she called out to Mrs Arnold but was suddenly stopped in her tracks as she looked up to see the family, Mr and Mrs Arnold and their son walking toward her.

  “Xavier?” she looked around to see if there was anyone else coming. No that was it. So that’s what Gemma's little giggle had been all about obviously.

  “Asha, what a nice surprise,” he flashed that earth shattering smile her way and Asha was sure her world just stopped momentarily. “I didn't know you worked here.”

  “Ah no, surprise,” she smiled back. “I guess it never came up huh?”

  Mrs Arnold gave Asha a huge smile and she could see the resemblance, why had she not seen that before? She guessed she had just never put the two pieces of the puzzle together before.

  “You two already know each other?”

  “Yeah mum, Asha and I have met.” Xavier gave Asha a wink and her heart fluttered. No not going to happen, she quickly reminded herself again.

  “Um, ok come on in, take a seat. I will be with you all in just a moment. I just need to grab some paperwork. Please excuse me.” She gestured to the group, whilst attempting to compose herself and find her professional equilibrium.

  She closed the door behind her, quickly grabbing Gemma's elbow and dragging her into the nearest empty room.

  “Oh my god Gemma, why didn't you tell me it was Xavier out there?” She whispered but she wanted to scream and maybe hit her friend over the head with something.

  Gemma laughed, “I tried to tell you.”

  “Crap,” Asha blew out a puff of air. “Okay, I can do this, I am a professional,” she chanted to herself and sucked in a few deep breaths, she walked back towards the closed door of her office. She could hear Gemma still laughing quietly behind her.

  As she was about to turn the knob on the door she spun back to Gemma and glared.

  “It's not funny.”

  “Yeah actually, it kinda is,” Gemma nodded.

  “Sorry to keep you,” she announced as she walked back into the room. Xavier sat on the chair closest to the door, so she had to walk past him to get to her chair. Due to the confined space of her office, she could not help but brush his leg with her own as she pushed past to her side of the desk. Tingles ran from where they touched all the way through her body and her mind flashed back to the kiss he had planted on her forehead as he was leaving her house days ago.

  She had, in fact, thought about him all weekend and on numerous occasions as her thumb had hovered over his number on her phone. She had worked so hard to be in this job and she did not have time for dating or boyfriends, she had to remind herself of that. It was increasingly difficult as she sat across the desk from him. His piercing green eyes almost boring holes into hers.

  “Did you get the paperwork?” Xavier smirked looking at her empty hands.

  Oh, crap, she forgot about the paperwork, he'd caught her out. Awkward. He knew he made her nervous, she could tell.

  Her mind reeled, she had to make something up and fast. “Oh yeah...I just had to get Gemma to fax something off for the last patient. I am ever so sorry for impeding on your time.”

  She smiled, mentally patting herself on the back for thinking so quick, then focused her attention on Mrs Arnold, and tried not to look at Xavier.

  Mrs Arnold sat opposite her, with Mr Arnold and Xavier on either side.

  “Nice to see you all again, how have you been Mrs Arnold?”

  “Not so bad this week thanks, Asha. Last week was pretty rough after chemo.”

  Asha nodded, “Unfortunately it often gets worse the more you have, but you would know all about that. How did you go with seeing the nutritionist at St Joseph’s?”

  “I got an appointment the very next day with her, thanks so much for that. She was a lovely lady too. About my age.” Mrs Arnold sighed. “No offence to you, of course, Asha, as you're always wonderful, but some of the younger staff can be so condescending to us old girls.”

  “That's hard isn't it?” Asha agreed.

  “I don't want to complain, of course I always get such wonderful service. It’s just hard to have someone young enough to be my own child, telling me I'm a good girl.”

  Asha gave her a sad smile, what could she say to that? It happened all the time, there was little she could do.

  “So today we need to discuss, advanced care planning and an advanced health directive. I imagine that’s why you have brought Mr Arnold and your son with you.” Asha's eyes flicked towards Xavier.

  “Yes”

  “Okay first and foremost, we don't need to make any decisions today. What we will do is explore the options. I will give you the paperwork to take away and you can talk to your doctor. Some people also find it useful to have a session with the psychologist as well before signing off.”

  Mr Arnold huffed. Asha knew he did not approve of the counselling services the clinic offered, he had made his opinion perfectly clear. Mrs Arnold had not been to the psychologist. Asha wondered if that was by her choice or his.

  “It's also important to note that you are able to change your mind on any of the choices in your directive at any time. The point of it is that in the future if you are for whatever reason no longer able to verbalise your opinion, that your wishes are still followed. Do you all understand that?” She asked the group and they all nodded in agreement.

  “So the things you might want to think about are where and how you might like to spend your last days. Some people want to stay home until the very end. This, of course, needs to be discussed with your family.” She looked around to see both men nodding again. “You may want to be transferred at a certain time to hospital or hospice, depending on what other interventions you want.

  These could be whether you want to continue on with certain medications. Obviously, we expect you to continue with your pain medication, but you may choose when you get to a certain point to be treated palliatively. That is no active life-saving treatment.”

  Across the desk, she noticed Mr Arnold clenching his jaw. Xavier stiffened and put his hand on the back of his mum's shoulder. Families often found this a difficult subject, hence the reason she felt it was important to have the conversation with them prior to them discussing it with their doctor. It gave them time to think and discuss it as a family.

  Mrs Arnold appeared to be taking it all in and did not seem distressed so she went on. “It also addresses your choices as to what active measures you want to have taken, such as giving antibiotics should you develop an infection, tube feeding, intravenous fluids.”

  “She will want all of those things.” Mr Arnold barked out angrily.

  Asha was a little taken aback, she had never heard Mr Arnold raise his voice before.

  “Please Mr Arnold,” she tried to placate. “You need to understand it is your wife’s choice and we are not talking about this happening any time in the immediate future, but it is important that she has a say in what she would like to happen to her, when the time comes that she may not be able to communicate.”

  Mr Arnold rose to his feet and leaned across Asha's desk menacingly, his balled fists rested on the table in front of her. She remained sitting so Mr Arnold was effectively leaning into her face.

  “Annie is my wife,” he shouted, his face turning red. “You will keep her alive no matter what.”

  Xavier rose to his feet and reached a hand out to Mr Arnolds shoulder.

  “Dad,” he said quietly.

  Out of sight, her hand hovered over the duress button under her desk. All the offices were fitted with these after a nasty incident of a staff member being assaulted some years back, before Asha had started there.

  Asha had experienced patients and their families in an emot
ional state before and she was cautious, but not frightened. All the clinic staff were trained to deal with aggressive patients. She knew if she pressed the duress alarm, staff would come running to her assistance as would the hospital security who were contracted to deal with such emergencies.

  For the longest moments Mr Arnold glared into Asha's eyes. He had the same green depths as his son. Xavier was a perfect mix of both his parents.

  “I don't mean to upset you Mr Arnold.” Asha ventured, breaking the silent stare off, refusing to show him any fear. “We would like to establish what Mrs Arnold's wishes are, when the end draws near. Hopefully this will be some time away, but the fact remains, she has a life limiting illness.”

  This appeared to enrage him more and he lifted his clenched fist from the desk with a sudden jerk, with the apparent intention of striking her. In a flash, Xavier clasped his father's wrist in his own hand and he pulled him back. There was a shuffling and Annie Arnold's chair screeched across the floor as she scurried out of the way. The office door flew open. Asha looked up to see Maria standing in the doorway looking concerned.

  “Sorry to interrupt, is everything okay in here?” Maria questioned. “It's just I heard a commotion from my office.”

  Asha stood and looked around at everyone in the room. Xavier had let go of his father’s wrist and now stood in front of him, facing him and looking back to his mother who had moved out of the way when he had moved into her space.

  “Are we okay dad?” he asked and Mr Arnold nodded. “Mum?”

  She appeared shaken but nodded her agreement to Xavier. Asha nodded her ok to Maria, who excused herself from the room and closed the door behind her.

  “Here take this booklet home with you.” Asha came around the desk and handed some brochures to Mrs Arnold who stood and took them from her.

  “Sorry,” she whispered, glancing towards her husband, whose unwavering glare was still directed at Asha.

  Asha gave her a small smile and put a comforting hand to the older woman's shoulder. “Let me know if you want to discuss this another time, you have my number okay?”

  Mrs Arnold nodded and turned to open the door. Xavier moved behind his dad and with a hand on his shoulder ushered him towards it. He never gave Asha another glance as they walked out of the building quietly.

  Asha flopped back into her chair as Gemma came rushing in.

  “What was that all about?”

  “Ah poor old Mr Arnold is not coping too well with his wife’s diagnoses,” she sighed. “I wish he would see the psych or at least let his wife see her, but I think Mrs Arnold is coping with it way better than her husband.”

  Gemma frowned, “Not a great first day back huh?”

  “Nope, and now I have a meeting after lunch with the allied health management team. And I want this job why?” she laughed bitterly.

  “Maybe we should go get a drink after work tonight?”

  “Hah.” Asha let out a laugh “Cause that ended well for me last time yeah?”

  Gemma sighed softly and shook her head, she had popped into Asha and Joanie's house on Sunday and Joanie had told her the whole story. What she had remembered anyway. Asha was fairly sure that Joanie had embellished it somewhat.

  “You're a good friend Gemma, I don't know what I would do without you, but I think it will be a milo and chick-flick on the couch for me tonight.”

  “Fair enough,” Gemma agreed. “But you know where I am. You could always call Mr X.” She winked, referring to the nick-name Joanie had told her Asha had given Xavier on their drunken night out.

  “Go on with you, before I call Maria and tell her you're slacking off and not doing your job.” Asha swatted at her with a bunch of papers and Gemma giggled running out of the room.

  Chapter 6

  ASHA WAS WALKING HOME WHEN she heard a rumbling engine behind her. “Oh no, not again,” she muttered.

  She turned and saw a black van, driving slowly beside her. The same black van she had seen at least every second day walking home from work. This time, the windows were down and she could see a figure in the driver’s seat. As she looked, she thought she must be mistaken so she looked again.

  “Xavier...” she smiled.

  “Wrong,” came a gruff voice.

  She shook her head as if that would help it become clearer and looked again. “Mr Arnold?”

  Suddenly he was out of the van, standing in front of her.

  “Want to kill my wife do you?”

  “No, No,” she screamed, she was scared. She had not been scared of him before, she could not explain why, but now she was.

  “I'll kill you before you kill my wife,” he yelled and wrapped his hands around her throat, squeezing.

  “No, No,” she cried her voice sounding muffled to her own ears.

  “Asha,” she heard Joanie calling her, “Asha”

  Oh, thank goodness she thought, someone had come to her rescue.

  “Asha, Asha...wake up it's me.”

  Asha peeled her eyes open and Joanie was right there in front of her concern written across her face.

  “Are you okay?” Joanie asked.

  “Oh um...sorry,” Asha sat up momentarily confused looking around trying to regain her bearings. She was in the living room. She had gotten home, had a milo and popped the TV on and had obviously fallen straight off to sleep.

  “Was I talking in my sleep?”

  “You were calling out 'no no' like you were terrified.” Joanie's eyes were wide with concern.

  “Sorry, bad day at work. I didn't mean to frighten you.”

  “It's okay,” Joanie contended. “I wouldn't have woken you I was just worried about you.”

  “I'm okay, thanks. I might go to bed. Good-night.”

  Lying in bed, she ran over the day’s events in her mind. She was worried about Mrs Arnold and had never seen Mr Arnold get angry like that before. She knew it was unprofessional, but she reached out and took her phone from the nightstand, scrolling down to where she found the entry listed as X and tapped out a text message.

  A- Hey Xavier, it’s Asha. I hope you don't mind me texting you. I'm sorry for upsetting your dad today, I hope your mum is ok. Good-night x

  She lay there quietly for a while waiting for a response, picking up her phone and checking a few times to make sure it sent. Just as she was drifting off to sleep her phone pinged with a message.

  X- Hey beautiful, sorry for the late reply, I'm still at work. Mum ok. Sorry about Dad. Sweet dreams X.

  ***

  It was another ordinary day at work but Asha was dragging her feet. She was feeling tired and washed out from the excitement the day before. The phone rang on her desk.

  “Someone is here to see you,” came Gemma's usual cheery voice down the line.

  “Who is it?”

  “Well, why don't you come out and have a look for yourself?”

  “Okay smart ass,” Asha laughed. She enjoyed working with Gemma.

  Walking to the waiting area she was surprised to see Mrs Arnold sitting in the waiting area with Xavier. Both sets of eyes looked at her as she approached.

  “Hi Mrs Arnold, Xavier,” she smiled, looking around the room. “Where's Mr Arnold?”

  “Mum wanted to have a word with you alone if that’s okay Ash?”

  “Sure, of course. Come through Mrs Arnold,” she gestured towards her office.

  Mrs Arnold turned to her son. “Are you happy to wait here, honey?”

  “Sure Mum,” Xavier nodded. “Take your time.”

  Asha couldn't help but think how sweet they were to each other. Mrs Arnold was looking frail. Asha guessed that she would never have been a large woman, but the years of cancer and treatment had ravaged her body, as the evidence showed. Her eyes were sunken, her face drawn. Wrinkles appeared at the corners of her eyes and mouth. Hair-loss was always a huge concern for cancer patients and whilst the chemotherapy drugs had improved over the years, it still left a patient's hair looking spindly and grey.

 
Mrs Arnold took a seat and Asha pulled up the chair beside her.

  “Is everything okay Mrs Arnold?”

  With a shaky breath, Mrs Arnold turned her eyes to Asha. She had the start of a bruise at the edge of her right eye. Asha gasped in shock but quickly tried to cover it.

  “I just wanted to apologise for my husband's behaviour yesterday. He gets very...protective at times.”

  Asha could feel her brows crinkle, so protective he hits you? She thought to herself but didn't say it.

  “No need for you to apologise to me Mrs Arnold, but if I can help you in any way? I can put you in touch with some services, there are places you can...”

  “No,” Mrs Arnold interrupted her abruptly. “No, it's ok. I know what it looks like and really it’s ok.”

  Asha shook her head, “No, no it's not okay Mrs Arnold.”

  “He loves me, he is a good man. We have been through a lot over the years and sometimes, he gets drunk and a little, um, heavy handed I guess. Mostly I see it coming and have time to get out the way. But last night, he had a bit of a rant, still upset from the meeting with you.”

  Asha was taken aback and Mrs Arnold quickly moved to put a comforting her hand on Asha's knee. She did not miss the irony in the situation.

  “I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean it was your fault...It's just, I know he loves me and Xave, we are all he has left. He was upset is all. He will come around. Just the thought of losing me is too much for him that’s all.”

  “But I don't understand how that makes him angry with you.”

  “I know, he just gets angry with the world sometimes.”

  “You know we can help you Mrs Arnold and we can get help for you. We can organise accommodation, we can organise counselling.”

  “That’s not why I'm here,” she smiled sweetly with that same familiar smile as her son’s, only ageing. “I have lived with the man long enough now, I know how he is. Life is just the way it is sometimes, we learn to live with the hand we are dealt.”

  Asha wondered if she would ever understand the mentality of women staying with husbands that beat them. Surely that is not what love is all about. How did they overlook that and just carry on?